The Eulogy

So much hides behind such a small word – Dad. The man was many things.

I could say that he was kind as a dad should be because he never lost his temper, throwing full glasses against the wall leaving the shard-filled mess for someone else to clean up. Instead, he left his work problems at the office and focused on us as a family unit, enjoying our time together.

…that he was patient as a dad should be because when I got frustrated practicing a dance routine that required a pie dish, he didn’t shout at me and make me repeat it after he put water in the bowl making it impossible for me to do. Instead, he made me take a break to talk me down from my frustration and gave me an encouraging hug before I began again.

…that he was generous as a dad should be because even when he’d had a hard day, he didn’t sit in promissory silence with his threatening belt on the dinner table. Instead, we all shared things about our day as we ate in companionship.

…that he was loving as a dad should be because he always showed us how to treat others well and never forgot his wife’s birthday while she cried silently cleaning the bathroom and his kids looked on helplessly.

…that he was supportive as a dad should be because he didn’t tell everyone that he was my rock when he would do the difficult – always silent – drives with me to chemo. Instead, he knew it wasn’t about him and would ask me how I was and give me room to feel however I needed to.

…that he was caring as a dad should be because even that time when I was injured, only able to walk on the balls of my feet, he didn’t pretend not to see us after church and drive away leaving us to walk the 1.5km home for the umpteenth time. Instead, he parked as close by as he could and we knew we could always rely on him as the sole driver.

Yes, I could say all that but I won’t lie; I didn’t grow up with a dad. I didn’t have the guidance, teachings, protection or example that a daughter should have. I just had a father who, by the time I got him, was already broken and damaged from his own traumatic life, repeating history and leaving me with some of my own horrid childhood memories.

Now that he’s gone, I might have peace, and I hope that he finally finds some peace too.